Back to the Grind

Here it is. The start of the 2012 NFL regular season.  Doesn't it feel like it's been a million years since the last season?  Maybe it's just me.

Anyway, with the new season comes roster changes, coaching and staff changes, hypothesizing about team performance, and, most importantly, fantasy football!

This is my third year playing fantasy football and the first two did not go so well.  That means that I'm out for blood this time around.  I'd like to blame specific players for my inadequacies, but it's all my fault.  The first year, I drafted a team completely based on good looking players.  As you would imagine, that strategy was not my idea.  And last year, I took players that I knew and picked a lot from the Titans and the Jets 'cause I like them the most.

This year was different.  I decided to follow my head, not my heart.  I vowed to make shrewd choices, despite how I internally felt about the players.  And where did that lead me?  It lead me to choosing Tom Brady as my 1st overall pick.

Tom effing Brady.

I hate that dude.  And I still feel gross inside that I made him my first choice.  But I'm here to win games, friends, and TB is going to do it for me. Barf.

Here's the rest of my roster, as it sits right now.

QB- Tom Brady (Pats)
RB- Shonne Green (Jets)
RB- Trent Richardson (Browns)
WR- Andre Johnson (Texans)
WR- Marques Colston (Saints)
TE- Vernon Davis (49ers)
Flex- Beanie Wells (Cards)
Kicker- Stephen Gostkowski (Pats)
Defense- Jets
Bench- Mark Sanchez (Jets)
Bench- James Stark (Packers)
Bench- Pierre Thomas (Saints)
Bench- Austin Collie (Colts)
Bench- Rob Bironas (Titans)

As you can see, my heart still had a say once it got to my bench.  There will never be a time I don't choose Mark Sanchez to be on my roster because I still believe he's going to be a great quarterback.  Also, Austin Collie's pretty face generally makes my roster, despite him being a magnet for concussions.

I feel pretty great about my team and I think that I'm gonna dominate my league.  Watch out, bitches. Blanche Sanche is all over your asses.

xoxo,
Blanche Sanche

You look dumb

I hate your new haircut, Mark Sanchez.

xoxo,

Blanche Sanche

Eye Candy -- November 17, 2011

In honor of tonight's game against Denver, Mark Sanchez, quarterback of the New York Jets.  I was in attendance at last year's game in Denver, so I'm pretty much just crying at my desk since I can't be there this year.  All I want in life is to watch the Jets cream Tebow and his stupid face.  Guess I'll have to settle for watching this year's game on TV.  Saddest of sad mittens.

xoxo,
Blanche Sanche

Overwhelmed

I'm a terrible blogger.  I've contemplated writing many different entries, but they've never come to fruition.  Possibly because my fantasy football season is absolutely devastating and embarrassing to write about or, perhaps, because I know no one reads this anyway.  Whatever the reason, I'm gonna try again.

First and foremost, I have to get this off my chest: Why are people so mean to Mark Sanchez?  Seriously, I need to know.  All week, I've been reading about how much of a failure he is and how he needs to step up his game.  Now, I know he isn't the greatest QB to ever play the game, but Jesus, cut him some slack.  I watched the New England game on Sunday and what I saw wasn't as much of a Sanchez fail as it was a team fail.  The interception that bounced of the hands and helmet of Shonn Greene, not Sanche's fault.  The inability of the defense to get within 3 feet of Tom Brady, again, not the fault of Sanchez.  Overall, he had a pretty great game with 2 touchdowns and over 300 passing yards.  So, why does the blame fall consistently on his shoulders?

In addition, why is everyone talking about Alex Smith like he's all of the sudden some demigod in San Francisco?  Statistically, he's having a better season than Sanche, but he's made fewer throws, fewer touchdowns and he's been on the team for SIX years with NO production until now!  I've watched Niner games and I'm constantly baffled by how terrible Smith is.  The Niners rely solely on their phenomenal defense and running game to win, not on their QB.  It seems that all of his seasons of suckitude have now been erased because of this 8-1 year.

It seems to be forgotten that with Sanchez at the helm, the Jets went to the NFC championship two years in a row.  I'm not saying that it was because of him, lord knows it wasn't, but he was obviously playing well enough to get his team through to big games and he came through in clutch situations.  Alex Smith hasn't done dick for his team since they wasted their first round draft pick on him and still, they throw money at him and pay him for his poor performance.

Is it because he's so pretty?  Is it because he's the kind of guy who makes an easy target?  There are far worse QBs in the league than Sanche, yet he's the first one to be criticized by everyone in the media.  Go bother Tony Romo, Chad Henne, Rex Grossman, Donovan McNabb, or... do the Seahawks even have a quarterback???

All I'm saying is this, people need to have more confidence in Mark Sanchez.  When you get him in a hurry up offense, no huddle with the clock winding down, he's on fire.  When you give him the opportunity to throw those 10-12 yard throws, he's money.  It's when they start trying to go back to the "ground and pound" offense and when he gets too much time to get lost in his own head that things go awry.  He's solid in production, pretty mobile in the pocket and he just needs people to throw a tiny bit of confidence his way.

And I'm not just saying this because I want to have all of his babies.

xoxo,
Blanche Sanche

Random thoughts

It's been one of those weeks.  The kind where I wrote half-assed posts about my weekend then let the blog fall by the wayside.  I've had several different thoughts creeping into my head, but none of them garnered an entire post, so I'm going to put them all here.

First, and why I didn't address this earlier is beyond me, the Raiders broke Mark Sanchez' nose!  I definitely saw the trainers all up in his face while I was at the game, but I had no idea what was happening.  I actually didn't find out about it until I was driving back to Reno later that night (that's what happens when you are at Oakland Coliseum and have no service).  He's a tough one.  Lesser quarterbacks *cough* Jay Cutler *cough* probably would have benched themselves, but Sanche kept going until the end.  Good job, bro!

Next: Does anyone else think it's great that Michael Vick is having a crappy season thus far?  I mean, after last season, he was a god, he got that GIANT contract, people had seemingly forgotten about his dog killing.  Now, he's playing like the Michael Vick of old and I couldn't be happier.  He's even trailing Jason Campbell....

After my loss last week, I'm trying to bring my A game to my fantasy football league.  I hit the jackpot with my running backs, MJD and LeSean McCoy, this season.  I never thought I would be so happy to not have Chris Johnson on my roster!  But the loss of Kenny Britt has thrown me for a loop.  I picked up Torrey Smith and Percy Harvin, but since Smith could be a one-time fluke, I'm left deciding between Harvin and Robert Meachem for my third wide receiver slot.  I'm leaning toward Harvin, in case Coleston comes back for New Orleans, but I'm not familiar with either player, so we'll see how this plays out.  Also, I have Jason Witten and Dustin Keller fighting it out for my tight end spot.  I think Witten wins this week.  And for QBs, I've got Sanche (who I've got starting, even though they are playing the Ravens), but it's hard not to put Josh Freeman against the shaken Colts.  Ugh.  This is when I start to become a stressball about fantasy football!

Finally, and this is just a personal note, it's my first full weekend in my new place!  I'm completely moved, I'm not traveling, and, though I have to unpack everything, I get to fully enjoy all my football channels!  Looks like I won't be leaving my house.  Well, that's a lie.  In addition to being a football addict, I'm also training for my second half marathon and by "training", I really mean I should be training.  I have the Nike Women's half marathon in 3 weeks, but I haven't run since my Disneyland half marathon at the beginning of September.  Let's hope I can tear myself away from football for long enough to go on a big run this weekend.  I sure need it!  Wish me luck!

xoxo,
Blanche Sanche

NFL, Oakland style

Jealous?

And there it is, folks.  My view of Sunday's Jets v. Raiders game in Oakland.

I knew Oakland was going to be a scary place for a Jets fan to be, so I opted for a gray Jets t-shirt with a black Under Armour zip-up to blend in with the Raider Nation.  Even on the BART to the game, I cautiously kept my UA zipped, only revealing the gray of the shirt underneath.  I would shed the outer layer once I was safely in my seat.

Due to leaving SF late and BART schedules, we missed kick off and the first touchdowns of each team.  I was bummed.  It took forever just to get into the stadium and find our seats once we did finally arrive.  The people around us were very nice.  They heckled me a bit for being a Jets fan, but it was mostly friendly.  My favorite was the drunk guy with half his face painted black and silver that kept putting his hand in my face and saying, "Psssssssshh!" like a 14 year old girl every time I cheered.

Perhaps it's the negativity of the stadium, but it felt like the Jets were having the worst game of their careers.  It seemed the defense couldn't stop the run game and Mark Sanchez couldn't complete passes.  Then there was the Cromartie fumble on the return kick and I wanted to cry.  It was horrible to watch.

Such a pretty man

The upside was that the visitor's bench was directly in front of me, as was the exercise bike, so Sanche was maybe 10 yards away from me the entire game.  I even saw the trainers fixing his nose, though I had no idea it had been broken in the first place.

Burnell is standing up; Sanche is behind the second helmet

I wish I had more to say about the game, but I left feeling very unsatisfied.  Not just because of the loss, but because I wasn't able to let loose and enjoy the game.  I was so worried about getting the crap beat out of me by Raider fans, that I didn't cheer much and I didn't even like being there.  As evidenced by the video below, I'm really glad I kept to myself.

I kinda wish I had just stayed home.

xoxo,

Blanche Sanche

The greatest E-Bay experience ever!

Gather 'round, friends, and let me tell you a tale of how I scored the most amazing seats for the upcoming Jets/Raiders game.  First, let me preface this story with the fact that I know going to a Raiders game is going to be terrifying and, quite possibly, fatal.  However, I can't allow the Jets to be this close to me and not risk my life to be there.  I'm a real fan.

Anyway, after spending weeks checking StubHub for good, but inexpensive tickets, I was having no luck.  There were good-ish tickets, but they were at least $200 a piece (with shipping and processing fees).  I was beginning to think that I wasn't meant to go to this game.  Yesterday, I decided to check E-Bay because I'd purchased Titans/49ers tickets for really cheap a few seasons ago.

I was hitting the same wall on E-Bay, cheap and crappy seats or amazing but way overpriced.  I mean, it's Oakland, not MetLife Stadium!  Then, I found them.  Through the scalpers and all, there they were: tickets 6 rows up behind the visitor's sideline.  My heart began to race as I hastily placed my bid before realizing that there were almost 5 days left in the auction.  I knew someone else was going to get them or I was going to have to pay an arm and a leg for them, so I decided to be bold and email the seller to see if she could end the auction and give them to me.  It couldn't hurt, right?

The seller immediately wrote me back and said she would sell the tickets to me for $275 for the pair without handling or processing fees!  It turns out, she's a lady from Reno who lives very close to my office.  What luck!  She told me she would meet me somewhere to give me the tickets so I wouldn't have to mess around with the electronic tickets and so that "Mark could write his number on them" for me.

This morning, she emails me to ask where I should meet her and includes a picture of herself from Burning Man so that I know who to look for (which didn't help because no one in real life looks like they do at Burning Man).  Then she sent me a picture of Sanche, just for fun.  I swear, I've made a new BFF.

I get to the deli where we've agreed to meet, because I was having lunch with Blanche Collie Matthews there, and there she is.  A slightly older lady with blonde hair and rhinestones on her oversized sunglasses.  She gives me a hug before we exchange money and tickets and gushes about how much she loves her seats.  Then, even as we protest, she proceeds to buy me and Blanche lunch... with the money I've just given her!  Essentially that means I paid even less for the tickets.  Amazeballs!

As we wait, she asks where I work.  I tell her my boss' name and, it turns out, she used to be a client of his.  Reno is just too damn small!  We sit and chat about Burning Man and football until her to-go food arrives and she bids us farewell with another round of hugs.

I couldn't have been more lucky in this situation.  Everything worked out flawlessly and I finally get to be up close and personal with my Jets.  Now, I just have to worry about my wardrobe.

In case you are curious, here is a diagram of where my seats are.  The MS stands for Mark Sanchez, as that's where I estimate he will be when he's off field.  I get it, it's not to scale, but whatevs, I'm not an artist.

Jealous much?

xoxo,

Blanche Sanche

J-E-T-S!!!!

"Don't call it a comeback...."

If anyone doubted the full force power of the Jets, tonight's game showed everyone that you never count them out. They are a team the prays on your weaknesses and destroys you from within.

There were so many great plays in the second half, I can't decide who I would give the game ball to, if I were Sexy Rexy. The touchdown pass to Plaxico was perfection. I think that was a display of talent and experience that younger ball clubs miss out on because only a veteran can make moves like that. The Revis interception put us back in the game. He's totally worth all the money they throw at him! The blocked punt by Joe McKnight... Seriously could not have been a better executed play. And the long field goal by Nick Folk won them the game. It was a full team effort out there tonight!

Mark Sanchez has grown so much since last season. Yes, he was sacked (and had that terrible fumble) and yes he was intercepted, but it was the first time he's gone out and not been afraid to throw throw the ball. He looked confident. He looked like he deserved that captain C on his chest. And having LT, Keller, and Plax to throw to really helps too.

And, though it's been said by everyone already, it was only fitting that the New York Jets get a W on the 10th anniversary of 9/11. It must mean so much to the team and to the New York residents to bring joy and happiness to the city/state on a day that is marred in such tragedy.

It's a win for everyone today. Well, except Tony Romo, who basically single-handedly lost that came for Dallas.

xoxo,
Blanche Sanche

My favorite football-related Twitter accounts

I'm an overactive Twitter user, that's no secret.  Of the 125 people I follow, I'm sure over half of them are related to football in one way or another.  Some of them are parody accounts, some are football players, and some are just other fans that are Twitterholics like myself.


What I've come to learn is that a majority of athletes that tweet are either compulsive retweeters and clog your news feed or boring.  The worst are tweeters whose use of shorthand or slang makes their tweets undecipherable (I'm talking to you, CJ2K!)  It's very rare to find an athlete that I genuinely enjoy updates from.  


With that being said, I'd like to give you a list of my favorite Twitter accounts, so that you can enjoy them as well.  Please feel free to add to the list or give me suggestions.  I always love finding new people to follow.


@FauxJohnMadden - Hilarious!  Yes, it's a parody account and not the real deal, but this person has some hilarious commentary on all things football.  Sometimes I think his tweets are more accurate than those of @NFL.  One of my favorite tweets? "Today's Wimbledon update is brought to you by.. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD END THE NFL LOCKOUT PLEASE!"
@NotJayCutler - Again, a parody account.  If you read my blog, you know how much I loathe Jay Cutler.  Any opportunity to mock Cutler is hilarious to me, though he doesn't tweet very often.  Sample tweet : "Am I nervous about the season? I haven't quit yet."
@nyjets - As far as Twitter goes for pro sports teams, the Jets are really on top of their game.  They are very interactive with their fans and they give thoughtful updates on press conferences, interviews, sound bites, and game highlights.  They are great with social media, which is another reason I think they are gaining so much popularity in the last few years.
 @nickmangold - Obviously, my favorite tweeter.  He tweets his fans (and haters) without a bunch of retweeting clogging up your timeline.  Nick is one of the few elite athletes that is truly grounded; he never makes himself out to be superior to anyone else.  He gets very quiet during the season, as to be expected, but he's a tweeting machine on his off time.
@Mark_Sanchez - I know, I know.  I'm a little biased when it comes to Sanche.  I just adore him, so obvi I adore his Twitter account too.  He shows his personality in a way you don't normally see pro QBs: he tweets pictures of his friends with the label #creepyguyfaketextingpic and jokes with his teammates, but always makes time to promote non-profits and charities.  He shows his fans what a fun and genuine guy he must be, which makes me love him even more... as if that's possible.  I also love his BFF (and one of the Jets newest wide receivers) @smcknight21.
@NFL - If you are a fan of football, you have to follow @NFL. However, if you are like me, you get the NFL updates via text already, so sometimes the updates are redundant.  Oh well.  I'd rather get an update 12 times than not get it at all.
@extraseats - This guy has tickets to 49ers, Jets and Cowboys games and usually his prices are pretty good.  He's also got tickets for a bunch of baseball and hockey teams, should you want to find cheap games to go to.
@CoachJeffFisher - I just stumbled upon his Twitter account and my heart sang with joy.  Looks like he hasn't really gotten into tweeting yet, but give him time.  This is a great man, people.  Soon, I'm sure, he'll be spitting out words of wisdom left and right.  


Other accounts I follow that I don't necessarily like or dislike, I just follow them because I like them as players: @C-Finnegan31 (Cortland Finnegan, Tennessee Titans), @Kaepernick7 (Colin Kaepernick, San Francisco 49ers), @ACromartie (Antonio Cromartie, New York Jets), @stephentulloch (Stephen Tulloch, Detroit Lions), and @AdamSchefter (Adam Schefter, ESPN NFL correspondent).


There are also people I've tried to follow, but couldn't handle either the amount or content of tweets. @chrisjohnson28's tweets are complete gibberish.  I'm sure someone understands him, but I'm not that person. @LarryFitzgerald's tweets are always about God or some preachy business, so I can't get down with that.  @ochocinco needs a life.  I get that Twitter is fun and exciting, but step away from the Twitter app on your phone, bro!  @kurt13warner is an asshole.  I only read his tweets once and they were making fun of other players.  Uh, you used to be homeless and your wife looks like a man, you have no room to criticize others, dick.


And that's all I've got for now!


xoxo,
Blanche Sanche

Dear Aaron Rogers,

You've created a lifelong enemy.  Not just me, but any female with eyeballs who thoroughly enjoyed Mark Sanchez' photo spread in GQ.  I get it; you are upset because no one wants your homely mug on the cover of their magazine, but you don't have to hate on Sanche for being oh-so pretty.  You know what's more embarrassing than a hot QB in tight white pants???  Your terrible hair cut and inexplicable facial hair.  Seriously, what is the situation happening above your shoulders?

You're a good quarterback, you just won a Super Bowl.  Do you really need to go around making fun of Mark Sanchez' clothing?  Tom Brady has done GQ, did you make fun of him as well?  Thankfully, Sanche is a classy man and didn't insult you back, even though you provide him with plenty of ammunition.  

Now, I will have to root against you always, even if you are playing the Patriots or Raiders.

xoxo,

Blanche Sanche

Lord Have Mercy!

If this doesn't get you excited for Monday Night Football between the Jets and Texans, I don't know what will.

xoxo,
Blanche Sanche

Pure artistry

My dear friend, Blanche Collie, went on a Paint drawing spree and made pictures for the three of us.  Though she does not include Austin Collie in her picture, I know he's in her heart.  Enjoy these winning pictures!

Me:

Blanche Manning:

Blanche Collie:

You know you wish your friends would waste their time at work making you glorious drawings of you and anonymous sports husbands.


xoxo,
Blanche Sanche

A little something to brighten my day

I know there are far more important things happening in the football world at this moment (t minus 25 hours until the lockout), but Chord Overstreet (the Bieber-haired blond boy on Glee) just posted this photo and my heart did a happy dance.  Mark Sanchez + Mark Salling + Wii = Personal Heaven.  I would sell a body part to be a part of this photo.  However, in light of Mr. Sanchez' current scandal, I don't think it's appropriate for him to be hanging out on the set of Glee.  Too much temptation for him, don't you think???

xoxo,
Blanche Sanche

More on (or Moron) Mark Sanchez

I guess there are no dick pics (sorry, to have misled you) or none that are going to be released of Mark Sanchez, but I did find out more about this 17 year old.  I've found a name and I've found a picture and I couldn't be more underwhelmed.  Seriously.  If he's gonna bang a 17 year old, I was thinking she was going to look like Giselle.  But, no.  She is just an average teenager.  I would insult her, but she's a minor and that's petty, even for me.

From reading deadspin.com and terezowens.com, I've deciphered that she's some sort of socialite or that she knows people who know people.  I mean, she was in a club on New Year's Eve, so she's got to have some kind of connections.

Where are this girl's parents?  Why are they letting her go to clubs at 17?  Why are they letting her stay at a 24 year old man's house overnight?  I know that kids rebel and lie to their parents, but there would be no way in Hell I could ever get away with that.  Furthermore, Marky Mark, why are you busting a nut on some girl who is still in high school, asking her if she's going out on a school night?  Stop being a dipshit.  Maybe if you spent less time worrying about underage vagina, you could focus more on making completions on the field.

My words of advice: Slay bitches on the off season, Mark.  And please, card them before they enter your bedroom.

xoxo,
Blanche Sanche

Really, Mark Sanchez?!?!?!

So now you have dick pics floating around the interwebs too?  Not to mention, they were taken by a 17 year old!!!!  Seven-fucking-teen!  I need some time to process this.

First of all, you are a professional quarterback.  You aren't at USC anymore, so boning college freshmen (or high school seniors) is wayyyyyyyyy beyond disgusting.  You can now get (and have gotten) ass from actresses and models, what could possibly be appealing about a 17 year old?  What am I going to tell our future children?

I had a hard time with you dating Meadow Soprano.  I had a hard time with the rumors about Kristin Callavari.  This might be too much for me to fathom.  I'm going to require a lot of pretty, shiny things to let this one go.

I just pray to every God in every religion that his dick pics aren't Favrean in nature.  I don't want to see Crocs, I don't want to see a tiny crooked wiener.  I don't know that my little heart can take that kind of let down, especially after this kind of news.

Merr,
Blanche Sanche

A hard loss

Perhaps I was too confident going into this game.  Perhaps my father and I shouldn't have taken a pregame picture of us in our Jets jerseys (me in Nick Mangold's 74 and pops in Joe Namath's 12) standing on top of a Steelers jersey in fighting stances.  Perhaps we jinxed the team with our antics.

That's exactly what was running through my head the entire first half of the AFC playoff game tonight.  Seriously.  I even made my dad change his shirt because my superstitions were telling me that it was bad juju for him to wear green during a game.

The first half was wretched.  The Jets couldn't make anything work for them: no possession, no yardage, nothing.  It was heartbreaking to see a team with so much heart and so much swagger losing 3-24 at the half.  But I know my Jets and they don't go down without a fight.

The second half was awesome.  I don't know what Rex said in that locker room, but something lit a fire under those guys and they made a valiant effort.  A couple of sacks on Rapin' Roethlisberger, some interceptions, much more time for Marky Mark and his funky bunch to march down the field and score.

Okay, so the Jets lost.  But to bring it to a 19-24 game and not let the Steelers score at all in the second half was magic.  If only we could have had a few more minutes on the clock (or maybe had they not had some terrible clock management on that 4th and goal situation that eventually led to a safety), I believe they could have done it.  I KNOW they could have.

But there's no need to live in "what ifs" and "coulda beens".  I'm just thankful that the injuries sustained by Sanchez and Mangold weren't serious.  I'm also grateful to have become a fan of a team that loves their fans so dearly.  It's just Twitter, but I've received tweets from the official Jets Twitter account, Matt Higgins, Santonio Holmes and, of course, Nick Mangold, whereas I've never heard a peep from the Titans.  The Jets are so accessible and wonderful.  I will continue to be a loyal fan because I feel a personal connection to the whole team.

The Jets have grown leaps and bounds since they were in this position last year.  They have a solid team, a coach you can't help but love and respect, a QB who gets better every game and a fan base you can't hold down. 

We'll see you again next year!

xoxo,
Blanche Sanche

Dear Santa

As Christmas is a mere 3 days away, I thought I should throw out my wish list out into the universe for all to see.

Yes.  I am asking for Mark Sanchez for Christmas.  He's cute, funny and a great quarterback (when he doesn't get too into his own head during a game). 

Now, here are the reasons I believe Mark Sanchez should be asking for me for Christmas:  I'm educated and intelligent; I also love Broadway; I look great in green and white; I'm hilarious (and modest too); I make great Chili Colorado; I know a lot about football and don't mind devoting the entire season to the sport; I'm not fancy so I'm not after the money (just the Super Bowl tickets); I'm working my way into a great career; I'm not needy in the slightest; and I would make a great trophy wife.

Keep that in mind, Santa.  Maybe you can pass him my bio and make this happen for me.

xoxo,
Blanche Sanche

A Facebook conversation between 2 girls who love football

I have a group of friends, all female, that I watch, and talk about, football with. During last night's Jets slaughter by the Patriots, we talked about how I wanted to customize a jersey that said "Mrs. Sanchez" but when I put it into NFL.com, it would only allow enough characters to say "Mrs. Sanche". As we all call each other Blanche (long story that's not important), the girls decided that my new nickname is "Blanche Sanche". The following is the Facebook post from today between me and Blanche Manning (as will be her nickname because she loves the Colts and Peyton Manning).

Blanche Manning: "In honor of us coming up with the greatest nickname of all time last night I am going to make you a next level Christmas present. I'm going to write Blanche Sanche in gold puffy paint (who am I kidding, my wife will be doing it cause arts and crafts are part of her wifely duties) on a Jets tee since NFL.com is a bunch of cock knuckles and won't let you make one the way you want. You're going to look incredible."

Blanche Sanche: "My present to you will be letting your Colts beat my Titans on Thursday night. I mean, that's really not going to be hard, seeing as the Titans are playing like the last place team in a pee wee football league from BFE, but still. It's the least I can do."

Blanche Manning: "You would do that for me? That's such a thweety. You know I need a win sooo bad right now, this just hasn't been my season. :("

Blanche Sanche: "I would rather lose to the Colts than let the fucking Jaguars win the division. At this point, the Titans are hopeless (as usually we started strong then turned into bitch coins and fucked ourselves) so I'm pinning my hopes on the Colts. And maybe, just maybe, someone will tear Tom Brady's arm off in the next game so the Jets can take that division, but we all know that it's going to be the Ravens and the Falcons in the Superbowl and I'm just going to kill myself."

Blanche Collie (Our friend who is an Austin Collie enthusiast): "Please don't kill yourself, Blanche Sanche. We need you."

Blanche Sanche: "Okay, I won't. Perhaps I'm being a titch overdramatic, but seriously. If there is no 2011 season and the last game seared into my memory is some shit storm between two teams that no one cares about, I'm gonna have a mental breakdown."

Blanche Manning: "I forgot about the whole "no season in 2011" nonsense. If that happens I will burn every stadium in the United States to THE GROUND!! How's that for overdramatic?"

Blanche Sanche: "I don't think that's overdramatic at all. I think it is the proper response to overpaid athletes refusing to participate in football because they want more money. Fuck them. I already pay ridiculous prices for tickets (when I can go to a... game), ridiculous prices for jerseys and other memorabilia, and I devote the majority of my week to watching football and participating in fantasy football, but you fuckwads need an extra couple mil in your salaries. I will join you in a quest to burn down all of the stadiums. I'm sure we will have plenty of help from the other disgruntled fans and stadium workers who have to resort to prostitution to put food on their families tables because Tom Brady wouldn't budge on his extra $100,000 for hair care supplies."

Blanche Manning: "That's right you MFer's!! You'll think you needed more money when you're watching your football stadium burn to the ground!!! Now you can't play football even if you wanted too. What's that? You'll go to another stadium to play? No you effing won't you assface whore slut because me and my bitchdogs burnt all them shits down! Teach you to act like you're going to take football away from us..."

And that, my dears, should instill enough fear into those players to not threaten to take away my 2011 season. You should know not to piss off female football fans.

Blanche Sanche