The greatest E-Bay experience ever!

Gather 'round, friends, and let me tell you a tale of how I scored the most amazing seats for the upcoming Jets/Raiders game.  First, let me preface this story with the fact that I know going to a Raiders game is going to be terrifying and, quite possibly, fatal.  However, I can't allow the Jets to be this close to me and not risk my life to be there.  I'm a real fan.

Anyway, after spending weeks checking StubHub for good, but inexpensive tickets, I was having no luck.  There were good-ish tickets, but they were at least $200 a piece (with shipping and processing fees).  I was beginning to think that I wasn't meant to go to this game.  Yesterday, I decided to check E-Bay because I'd purchased Titans/49ers tickets for really cheap a few seasons ago.

I was hitting the same wall on E-Bay, cheap and crappy seats or amazing but way overpriced.  I mean, it's Oakland, not MetLife Stadium!  Then, I found them.  Through the scalpers and all, there they were: tickets 6 rows up behind the visitor's sideline.  My heart began to race as I hastily placed my bid before realizing that there were almost 5 days left in the auction.  I knew someone else was going to get them or I was going to have to pay an arm and a leg for them, so I decided to be bold and email the seller to see if she could end the auction and give them to me.  It couldn't hurt, right?

The seller immediately wrote me back and said she would sell the tickets to me for $275 for the pair without handling or processing fees!  It turns out, she's a lady from Reno who lives very close to my office.  What luck!  She told me she would meet me somewhere to give me the tickets so I wouldn't have to mess around with the electronic tickets and so that "Mark could write his number on them" for me.

This morning, she emails me to ask where I should meet her and includes a picture of herself from Burning Man so that I know who to look for (which didn't help because no one in real life looks like they do at Burning Man).  Then she sent me a picture of Sanche, just for fun.  I swear, I've made a new BFF.

I get to the deli where we've agreed to meet, because I was having lunch with Blanche Collie Matthews there, and there she is.  A slightly older lady with blonde hair and rhinestones on her oversized sunglasses.  She gives me a hug before we exchange money and tickets and gushes about how much she loves her seats.  Then, even as we protest, she proceeds to buy me and Blanche lunch... with the money I've just given her!  Essentially that means I paid even less for the tickets.  Amazeballs!

As we wait, she asks where I work.  I tell her my boss' name and, it turns out, she used to be a client of his.  Reno is just too damn small!  We sit and chat about Burning Man and football until her to-go food arrives and she bids us farewell with another round of hugs.

I couldn't have been more lucky in this situation.  Everything worked out flawlessly and I finally get to be up close and personal with my Jets.  Now, I just have to worry about my wardrobe.

In case you are curious, here is a diagram of where my seats are.  The MS stands for Mark Sanchez, as that's where I estimate he will be when he's off field.  I get it, it's not to scale, but whatevs, I'm not an artist.

Jealous much?

xoxo,

Blanche Sanche

Pure artistry

My dear friend, Blanche Collie, went on a Paint drawing spree and made pictures for the three of us.  Though she does not include Austin Collie in her picture, I know he's in her heart.  Enjoy these winning pictures!

Me:

Blanche Manning:

Blanche Collie:

You know you wish your friends would waste their time at work making you glorious drawings of you and anonymous sports husbands.


xoxo,
Blanche Sanche

Where to watch the Super Bowl

It happens every year.  I get all psyched up for the big game then, when the day comes, I have nowhere fun to watch it.  Usually, I end up at my Dad's with a plethora of snack foods, but with only the company of my father and step-mom.  As avid of a football fan as I am, I can't remember the last time I even had a beer during the Super Bowl.

This year I'm shaking things up.

It looks like I might have the opportunity to go back to San Francisco (the city is only 5 hours away, so I try to get there as much as possible) to watch the game!  My female football fan friends (Blanche Manning and Blanche Collie) are going to the Bay for an opportunity to meet the San Francisco Giants at AT&T Park because Blanche Collie has a soft spot for Brian Wilson.  They have invited me to join them on their sojourn to San Francisco.

San Francisco.  Blanches.  Gays.  Football.  YES PLEASE!

Let's hope I can get Monday off work, but I'm too scared to ask the boss today 'cause he's overly aggro.

Keep your fingers crossed for me,
Blanche Sanche

A Facebook conversation between 2 girls who love football

I have a group of friends, all female, that I watch, and talk about, football with. During last night's Jets slaughter by the Patriots, we talked about how I wanted to customize a jersey that said "Mrs. Sanchez" but when I put it into NFL.com, it would only allow enough characters to say "Mrs. Sanche". As we all call each other Blanche (long story that's not important), the girls decided that my new nickname is "Blanche Sanche". The following is the Facebook post from today between me and Blanche Manning (as will be her nickname because she loves the Colts and Peyton Manning).

Blanche Manning: "In honor of us coming up with the greatest nickname of all time last night I am going to make you a next level Christmas present. I'm going to write Blanche Sanche in gold puffy paint (who am I kidding, my wife will be doing it cause arts and crafts are part of her wifely duties) on a Jets tee since NFL.com is a bunch of cock knuckles and won't let you make one the way you want. You're going to look incredible."

Blanche Sanche: "My present to you will be letting your Colts beat my Titans on Thursday night. I mean, that's really not going to be hard, seeing as the Titans are playing like the last place team in a pee wee football league from BFE, but still. It's the least I can do."

Blanche Manning: "You would do that for me? That's such a thweety. You know I need a win sooo bad right now, this just hasn't been my season. :("

Blanche Sanche: "I would rather lose to the Colts than let the fucking Jaguars win the division. At this point, the Titans are hopeless (as usually we started strong then turned into bitch coins and fucked ourselves) so I'm pinning my hopes on the Colts. And maybe, just maybe, someone will tear Tom Brady's arm off in the next game so the Jets can take that division, but we all know that it's going to be the Ravens and the Falcons in the Superbowl and I'm just going to kill myself."

Blanche Collie (Our friend who is an Austin Collie enthusiast): "Please don't kill yourself, Blanche Sanche. We need you."

Blanche Sanche: "Okay, I won't. Perhaps I'm being a titch overdramatic, but seriously. If there is no 2011 season and the last game seared into my memory is some shit storm between two teams that no one cares about, I'm gonna have a mental breakdown."

Blanche Manning: "I forgot about the whole "no season in 2011" nonsense. If that happens I will burn every stadium in the United States to THE GROUND!! How's that for overdramatic?"

Blanche Sanche: "I don't think that's overdramatic at all. I think it is the proper response to overpaid athletes refusing to participate in football because they want more money. Fuck them. I already pay ridiculous prices for tickets (when I can go to a... game), ridiculous prices for jerseys and other memorabilia, and I devote the majority of my week to watching football and participating in fantasy football, but you fuckwads need an extra couple mil in your salaries. I will join you in a quest to burn down all of the stadiums. I'm sure we will have plenty of help from the other disgruntled fans and stadium workers who have to resort to prostitution to put food on their families tables because Tom Brady wouldn't budge on his extra $100,000 for hair care supplies."

Blanche Manning: "That's right you MFer's!! You'll think you needed more money when you're watching your football stadium burn to the ground!!! Now you can't play football even if you wanted too. What's that? You'll go to another stadium to play? No you effing won't you assface whore slut because me and my bitchdogs burnt all them shits down! Teach you to act like you're going to take football away from us..."

And that, my dears, should instill enough fear into those players to not threaten to take away my 2011 season. You should know not to piss off female football fans.

Blanche Sanche