I have a group of friends, all female, that I watch, and talk about, football with. During last night's Jets slaughter by the Patriots, we talked about how I wanted to customize a jersey that said "Mrs. Sanchez" but when I put it into NFL.com, it would only allow enough characters to say "Mrs. Sanche". As we all call each other Blanche (long story that's not important), the girls decided that my new nickname is "Blanche Sanche". The following is the Facebook post from today between me and Blanche Manning (as will be her nickname because she loves the Colts and Peyton Manning).
Blanche Manning: "In honor of us coming up with the greatest nickname of all time last night I am going to make you a next level Christmas present. I'm going to write Blanche Sanche in gold puffy paint (who am I kidding, my wife will be doing it cause arts and crafts are part of her wifely duties) on a Jets tee since NFL.com is a bunch of cock knuckles and won't let you make one the way you want. You're going to look incredible."
Blanche Sanche: "My present to you will be letting your Colts beat my Titans on Thursday night. I mean, that's really not going to be hard, seeing as the Titans are playing like the last place team in a pee wee football league from BFE, but still. It's the least I can do."
Blanche Manning: "You would do that for me? That's such a thweety. You know I need a win sooo bad right now, this just hasn't been my season. :("
Blanche Sanche: "I would rather lose to the Colts than let the fucking Jaguars win the division. At this point, the Titans are hopeless (as usually we started strong then turned into bitch coins and fucked ourselves) so I'm pinning my hopes on the Colts. And maybe, just maybe, someone will tear Tom Brady's arm off in the next game so the Jets can take that division, but we all know that it's going to be the Ravens and the Falcons in the Superbowl and I'm just going to kill myself."
Blanche Collie (Our friend who is an Austin Collie enthusiast): "Please don't kill yourself, Blanche Sanche. We need you."
Blanche Sanche: "Okay, I won't. Perhaps I'm being a titch overdramatic, but seriously. If there is no 2011 season and the last game seared into my memory is some shit storm between two teams that no one cares about, I'm gonna have a mental breakdown."
Blanche Manning: "I forgot about the whole "no season in 2011" nonsense. If that happens I will burn every stadium in the United States to THE GROUND!! How's that for overdramatic?"
Blanche Sanche: "I don't think that's overdramatic at all. I think it is the proper response to overpaid athletes refusing to participate in football because they want more money. Fuck them. I already pay ridiculous prices for tickets (when I can go to a... game), ridiculous prices for jerseys and other memorabilia, and I devote the majority of my week to watching football and participating in fantasy football, but you fuckwads need an extra couple mil in your salaries. I will join you in a quest to burn down all of the stadiums. I'm sure we will have plenty of help from the other disgruntled fans and stadium workers who have to resort to prostitution to put food on their families tables because Tom Brady wouldn't budge on his extra $100,000 for hair care supplies."
Blanche Manning: "That's right you MFer's!! You'll think you needed more money when you're watching your football stadium burn to the ground!!! Now you can't play football even if you wanted too. What's that? You'll go to another stadium to play? No you effing won't you assface whore slut because me and my bitchdogs burnt all them shits down! Teach you to act like you're going to take football away from us..."
And that, my dears, should instill enough fear into those players to not threaten to take away my 2011 season. You should know not to piss off female football fans.
Blanche Sanche
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