There are a lot of people in the NFL that I love. Many seemingly random men, both players and coaches alike, that I adore for various reasons. However, there is also an alarmingly large group of men that I hate/loathe/despise, whichever word you want to use for it. I'm sure my bubbling hatred of them will become increasingly apparent as this blog goes on, so let me just get a few people out of the way.
First and foremost, I have a deep seeded hatred for Kurt Warner. Just typing his name makes me want to punch babies. As I mentioned before, the first football game I cared about was the Superbowl between the Titans and the Rams, so it's obvious where this hatred stems from. Not only did the Rams prevail in said contest, but all you heard about the whole fucking game was how he used to work in a grocery store and how much he loves his old, ugly wife. Gag me. I don't give a shit that you are a loser. Shut the fuck up and play football. Many could argue that Kurt Warner is a great quarterback, but I would tell those people to shut up and get out of my face. I hate his snide Twitter comments, I hate his stupid face, I HATE his old haggard wife, and I hate that people think he's some sort of demigod for being able to go from store clerk to quarterback. Eat a bag of dicks, Kurt. I blame you solely (and, yes, I'm aware my rationale makes no sense to anyone but me) for Steve McNair's death. Stevie was my second favorite male celebrity; Michael Jackson was my first. They died within 8 days of one another and made me realize that God doesn't exist. So, thank you Kurt Warner for killing Steve McNair and ruining my life.
Second, I hate Brett "Dick Pics" Favre. I just don't have respect for the dude. Yeah, he was a great quarterback (I contend he was overrated), but when he started the whole "I'm retiring/I'm not retiring" song and dance, he completely lost me. Man up, broseph, and admit that you can't hang anymore. You choke in every clutch situation and now you are just an embarrassment. And, for the record, I saw your dick pics and they were equally embarrassing. Did you really think some girl was gonna be on your jock when you made the conscious decision to keep your Crocs on while taking pics of your wiener? Rule number 1, if you are gonna go pantless, you should also be Crocs-less. Seriously. Crocs are a deal breaker. Almost as much as your lack of game and your small penis.
Tony Romo and Tom Brady are at about the same level of hatred for me, so I'm going to lump them together. I'm sick of their "pretty boy" faces and it doesn't help that I loathe the Cowboys and Patriots. They suck. I wish someone would rip Tom Brady's arm off so I wouldn't have to hear about him anymore.
While we are on the Patriots, Bill Belichick is the worst. He's a cheater, he's a dick, he seems like a total douche nozzle. There are no redeeming qualities about that man.
Terrell Owens can suck it. Randy Moss can suck it. Darren Sproles can suck it. Albert Hayesworth can suck it.
It's getting late and I can't go to bed with all this rage. I'm going to lay down and watch old episodes of "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia".
Blanche Sanche
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