Rob Gronkowski

So, yeah.  He had an amazing season, breaking records for tight ends and whatnot.  But tell me you don't look at this guy and see the stereotypical jock in Varsity Blues!  Like, all he wants to do is hump the head cheerleader and drink beer until he passes out in his own vomit.  He probably enjoys mooning on coming traffic and resting his balls on the chin of whoever passes out first.  You know he gave nerds wedgies and taped them naked to the goal post in high school.

He's the guy that plays the game full force, parties full force, but couldn't read To Kill A Mockingbird on his own.

xoxo,
Blanche Sanche

Super Bowl XLVI

For all the hype, the talk about the rivalry between the Giants and the Patriots, all the fanfare, I was wicked disappointed in the game.  The first 55 minutes were a snoozefest.  I would have rather watched the Puppy Bowl than that game.  And the last 5 minutes were only comparatively exciting, since the rest of the game sucked.

I am completely convinced that there will be some report that shows up in the next week or two, telling us that Tom Brady played the postseason with an injury.  That's the only excuse for his terrible performances in the final 2 games of the year.  Now, I'm clearly not a fan of Brady, but that was not the way he normally plays.

Then there was that abomination of a halftime show.  Dear Madonna, you are 54.  Act like it.  I didn't understand the whole Romanesque motif.  I didn't understand LMFAO, or any of the cameos, for that matter.  I still don't understand why YOU were chosen as the halftime entertainment.  But I am pretty sure there were more gays watching the game last night than ever.

The commercials sucked.  I hardly cracked a smile for any of them.  I totes don't want to buy any of the products advertised.

The best part of the whole game was Kelly Clarkson singing the National Anthem.  Girl looked amazing and sounded perfect.  She was a great choice.  If only she could have been the halftime entertainment as well.

Now, football season is over and I'm left unfulfilled.  I guess we go into a football drought until the draft.

xoxo,
Blanche Sanche

I really wouldn't mind if...

Someone broke Tom Brady's face tonight.  I mean, seriously Jason Taylor, do it for your division.

xoxo,
Blanche Sanche

I couldn't have said it better myself

I know it's already time for the AFC Championship game tomorrow, but I just saw this video and it filled me with indescribable happiness.  This solidifies Jon Stewart on my list of Brother Husbands.

xoxo,
Blanche Sanche

All hail Queen Brady

I just barfed on myself for that title, even though I mean it purely sarcastically.

Why is it that, after the loss to the Jets, the Patriots organization finally tells us that Mrs. Brady has been playing with a foot injury, I mean "ailment", for the entire season and that he's going to have surgery to fix it?  Shouldn't we have been privy to this information before their season came to a screeching halt?

Let me ask you this: Why do they feel the need to justify their loss to the Jets by telling me that Brady wasn't at his best?  You lost.  Get over it.  You lost because your whole team played terribly, not because Brady had a foot injury.  When I am out dude-hunting on a Friday night and my game is off, I don't manifest an injury then tell everyone I'm boyfriendless because of an ingrown toenail; I chalk it up to my inability to have a normal conversation with someone of the opposite sex.  The same logic applies.

Also, are they trying to make him a hero for fighting through the pain all season?  If it was that bad, he should have taken care of it a long time ago.  I'm not impressed.  At all.  As a matter of fact, it feels like something Spencer Pratt would do for attention.  You know what's a better way to make people think your awesome?  One word: Giselle.

Thank God we are done with him for the season.  I can't stand to look at his face anymore and I'm pretty sure Justin Bieber would really like to regain the complete control of the dudes with lesbian haircuts market.

xoxo,
Blanche Sanche

Playoffs

I love the playoffs.  And I hate them too.  I love them because they are the most intense games of the season, but I hate them because it means I'm going to have to find new ways to occupy my time for the next six months (say a big HELLO to school and a new running program).  This weekends playoffs were about as good as it gets, with the exception of the NFC games.  Seriously.  Could they have at least tried to play interesting football???

Let's start with the Steelers/Ravens game.  On principle, I had to root against the Ravens.  I can't find it in my heart to love the team where Steve McNair ended his career because I still feel like he will always be an Oiler/Titan.  Also, one of my dearest friends is a Steelers fan and she'd kill me if I rooted against them.  Oh, and Mike Tomlin is hot.  So there's that.

The game had me on the edge of my seat.  At first, it looked like the Ravens were going to take it.  They were definitely out to win, or so it seemed.  Then halftime came.  After the half, the Steelers came out with a renewed vengeance and took the game back.  We had an AFC team in the divisional playoffs, who were they going to play?

There was never any doubt in my mind that it would be the Jets.  Rexy and the rest of the team were talking a big game.  Cromartie called Brady an asshole, which is true so I'm still unsure why it caused so much commotion, then Bart Scott pretty much put out a hit on Wes Welker.  But when you get into a rivalry match with so much on the line, there are going to be some vicious words thrown around.  It's all part of the show and the Jets are quite the showmen.

The thing that got me the most was that NO ONE was giving the Jets credit.  The commentators made it seem as if the Jets had accidentally gotten into the playoff situation and the almighty Patriots were going to put them in their place.  Everyone had their money on a huge Patriots upset, and couldn't stop talking about the huge upset back in December.  However, no one was bringing up the fact that the Jets won the first contest between the rivals this season.  They stressed what a great team the Patriots were and pretty much already had them in the Super Bowl.

And how wrong they were.

We saw a Jets team that was strong and played hard on both sides of the ball.  Sanchez threw 3 touchdown passes.  David Harris intercepted the golden boy Brady for the first time in 339 passes.  Brady got sacked 5, yes 5, times while Sanchez didn't get sacked at all.  It was poetic.  I have never been more proud to be a fan of a team in my life.  And if you follow me on Twitter or are friends with me on Facebook, I apologize for the frequent, elated updates that happened today!

Now, it's on to the Steelers.  A team I KNOW we can beat.  It's Super Bowl or bust for the Jets and I'm thinking that ring is going to look perfect on Mark Sanchez' finger.

Play like a Jet,
Blanche Sanche

People that make me rage

There are a lot of people in the NFL that I love. Many seemingly random men, both players and coaches alike, that I adore for various reasons. However, there is also an alarmingly large group of men that I hate/loathe/despise, whichever word you want to use for it. I'm sure my bubbling hatred of them will become increasingly apparent as this blog goes on, so let me just get a few people out of the way.

First and foremost, I have a deep seeded hatred for Kurt Warner. Just typing his name makes me want to punch babies. As I mentioned before, the first football game I cared about was the Superbowl between the Titans and the Rams, so it's obvious where this hatred stems from. Not only did the Rams prevail in said contest, but all you heard about the whole fucking game was how he used to work in a grocery store and how much he loves his old, ugly wife. Gag me. I don't give a shit that you are a loser. Shut the fuck up and play football. Many could argue that Kurt Warner is a great quarterback, but I would tell those people to shut up and get out of my face. I hate his snide Twitter comments, I hate his stupid face, I HATE his old haggard wife, and I hate that people think he's some sort of demigod for being able to go from store clerk to quarterback. Eat a bag of dicks, Kurt. I blame you solely (and, yes, I'm aware my rationale makes no sense to anyone but me) for Steve McNair's death. Stevie was my second favorite male celebrity; Michael Jackson was my first. They died within 8 days of one another and made me realize that God doesn't exist. So, thank you Kurt Warner for killing Steve McNair and ruining my life.

Second, I hate Brett "Dick Pics" Favre. I just don't have respect for the dude. Yeah, he was a great quarterback (I contend he was overrated), but when he started the whole "I'm retiring/I'm not retiring" song and dance, he completely lost me. Man up, broseph, and admit that you can't hang anymore. You choke in every clutch situation and now you are just an embarrassment. And, for the record, I saw your dick pics and they were equally embarrassing. Did you really think some girl was gonna be on your jock when you made the conscious decision to keep your Crocs on while taking pics of your wiener? Rule number 1, if you are gonna go pantless, you should also be Crocs-less. Seriously. Crocs are a deal breaker. Almost as much as your lack of game and your small penis.

Tony Romo and Tom Brady are at about the same level of hatred for me, so I'm going to lump them together. I'm sick of their "pretty boy" faces and it doesn't help that I loathe the Cowboys and Patriots. They suck. I wish someone would rip Tom Brady's arm off so I wouldn't have to hear about him anymore.

While we are on the Patriots, Bill Belichick is the worst. He's a cheater, he's a dick, he seems like a total douche nozzle. There are no redeeming qualities about that man.

Terrell Owens can suck it. Randy Moss can suck it. Darren Sproles can suck it. Albert Hayesworth can suck it.

It's getting late and I can't go to bed with all this rage. I'm going to lay down and watch old episodes of "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia".
Blanche Sanche