Ode to Jeff Fisher

 I love Jeff Fisher. I have loved him since I became a Titans fan in 2000. So these persistent rumblings of him leaving the Titans to coach for the Cowboys make me sick to my stomach. I awoke to yet another "source" claiming that this scenario is likely to happen this year.

It's almost enough to make a girl cry.

The Cowboys are in a three-way tie for my least favorite team in the league (along with the Patriots and Raiders) and there is nothing that I can make myself do to like them. When Eddie George went to the Cowboys, I was hurt. Eddie, Steve McNair and Fisher are the three men who made me fall in love with the Titans. To have Fisher go to Dallas will break my heart.

I have this fantasy (my proverbial "happy place" if you will) where I'm hanging out with Jeff Fisher, having a BBQ in his back yard that inexplicably backs up to water and has a boat dock. We sit, drink beer, talk about all the great things he's seen during his coaching career and I listen as he fondly remembers Steve. Sometimes Eddie is there too. We hop on his boat and go out into the water; they fish and I make them laugh. It's a jovial time had by all and, though I know it could never happen in reality, a part of me still believes it.

If Jeff goes to Dallas, my happy place is gone.

Blanche Sanche

Pro Bowl

I voted 4 times for the Pro Bowl.  I really wanted to assure that my favorite players made it to Hawaii, even though most people don't care much about the Pro Bowl game.  Perhaps I should have voted more because very few of my players made it to the big game.

The player I'm most excited for is my dear Nick Mangold.  Not only is he arguably the best Center in the league, but he's one of the coolest guys around.  As I've mentioned before, Nick and I are friends on Twitter.  Seriously, he's supposed to be sending me a macaroni necklace as a belated Christmas present.  I'm not just a creepy weirdo who tweets him incessantly (though I do), but he actually follows me and tweets me back.  He's so easily accessible and likable and incredibly dedicated to his team.  I just adore him and I'm so happy that the fans recognize his hard work.  However, I'm hoping he can't go to the Pro Bowl because he'll be ineligible due to playing in the Super Bowl.

I'm also very proud of Marc Mariani, my little rookie Kick Returner.  He had such a great rookie season and I'm happy that he got the recognition he deserves.  Good job, kid!

I do have a few bones to pick about two particular players who did NOT get selected:

Chris Johnson- Seriously?  I know he didn't have the best season, but the guy had 11 touchdowns, over 1,300 yards and gets overlooked for the Pro Bowl?  That's ludicrous to me, not just as a Titans fan, but as a fan of great football players.  I feel personally slighted that he didn't make the cut.  Dude's got swagger and is friends with Lil' Wayne, that should be reason enough to put him in the Pro Bowl. 

Peyton Hillis- Yet another, SERIOUSLY?!?!?  Look at those guns!  Bro is awesome!  1,100 rushing yards, 474 receiving yards and 11 touchdowns.... Proof that fans should not be in charge of Pro Bowl voting. 

Also, because he's my favorite Titan, I am disappointed that Cortland Finnegan was excluded as well.  I know he has an attitude, but he's a fierce competitor and I think it would be fun to watch him in the Pro Bowl for a second consecutive year.

Next year, I'll take some more time for voting so I have less to bitch about after the roster is announced.

xoxo,
Blanche Sanche

A successful first foray into Fantasy Football

Now that my first season of fantasy football has come to an end, I find it only appropriate to take to my blog and profess...


I WON!!!!!!!

In a league of people I don't know and have never talked to, but, dammit, I still won!  Before I decided to start an "office league" (many of the members of the league do not work with me), I joined a random NFL.com league.  I created my player wish list, but forgot to participate in the actual draft.  I still ended up with a pretty successful roster.

WEEK 1:

QB- Mark Sanchez
RB- Chris Johnson
RB- Jerome Harrison
WR- Nate Washington
WR-Santana Moss
WR- Mike Wallace
TE- Jermichael Finley
K- David Akers
Def- 49ers

Bench:
QB- Matt Stafford
RB- Fred Jackson
RB- Brandon Jacobs
RB- Laurence Maroney
WR- Devin Aromashodu
WR- Santonio Holmes

Over the season, I had my ups and downs.  Chris Johnson didn't do as well as predicted, Mark Sanchez doesn't have a middle ground between playing really well and sucking, Santonio Holmes was out for the first 5 weeks.  But, by week 15, I was 8-6, which was good enough to get me into the playoffs.

FINAL ROSTER:

QB- Josh Freeman
RB- Chris Johnson
RB- Peyton Hillis
WR- Santonio Holmes
WR- Mike Wallace
WR- Santana Moss
TE- Mercedes Lewis
K- David Akers
Def- Packers

Bench:
QB- Mark Sanchez
WR- Austin Collie
RB- Mike Tolbert
WR- Nate Washington
TE- Zack Miller
Def- Titans

Josh Freeman and Peyton Hillis were definitely the best players I could have acquired for my team.  A lot of my wins are credited to them.

But, now what?  Now that fantasy football is over for the season, I feel empty inside.  FF literally consumed my life for the past few months.  Guess I'm going to have to start plotting for next season....

xoxo,
Blanche Sanche

Dear Santa

As Christmas is a mere 3 days away, I thought I should throw out my wish list out into the universe for all to see.

Yes.  I am asking for Mark Sanchez for Christmas.  He's cute, funny and a great quarterback (when he doesn't get too into his own head during a game). 

Now, here are the reasons I believe Mark Sanchez should be asking for me for Christmas:  I'm educated and intelligent; I also love Broadway; I look great in green and white; I'm hilarious (and modest too); I make great Chili Colorado; I know a lot about football and don't mind devoting the entire season to the sport; I'm not fancy so I'm not after the money (just the Super Bowl tickets); I'm working my way into a great career; I'm not needy in the slightest; and I would make a great trophy wife.

Keep that in mind, Santa.  Maybe you can pass him my bio and make this happen for me.

xoxo,
Blanche Sanche

In Memorium...

I only remember that Chris Henry died because, when it happened, it was plastered all over Perez Hilton and TMZ.  I remember that it was a tragic story because he was so young and his death was so unnecessary.  However, I don't remember much more than that.

I wasn't a Bengals fan, so I knew nothing of Henry's personal struggles: his arrests and all the drama associated with them.  But, today, I read an article that I thought was worth sharing.  It brought a tear to my eye and I hope that everyone thinks a few good thoughts for Chris Henry.

A Hand for The Odd Couple

R.I.P. Chris Henry (May 17, 1983- December 17, 2009)

And Favre is out!

Well, at least for the game against the Giants tonight, which I still take as a huge win for those of us that can't stand the guy.  I mean, I get it: he's got the most consecutive starts of any quarterback.  Great.  But I'm still a girl who enjoys quality over quantity and just because Dick Pics has 297 starts doesn't mean he's the greatest.

 How many of those starts should he probably have sat out because of injuries?  Tons.  Thanks to his giant ego (which makes up for his tiny penis), he kept on playing, much to the detriment of his teams. 

Moral of the story: this is a happy football day for me.  Yes, the Titans and the Jets both lost their games last week.  Yes, Mark Sanchez played like it was his first football game ever.  But I'm almost as happy as I was the day I found out Kurt Warner retired.

Can't we all, and Brett you are included in that "all", just agree that this is the end of his career?  I'm so bored of him.

Blanche Sanche

Another loss, another chance to eat my words

So, the Titans lost.  Again.  I didn't get to watch the game, as I was doing more important stuff (i.e. getting my nails done), but I listened to a lot of it on the radio.

All I have to say is this: if they would have shown up and played the game during the first half, they would have won.  I was very surprised, and quite happy, to see the offense do so well in the second half.  I finally got a good game out of Chris Johnson!  But the defense failed me miserably.  I got a big ZERO points out of them.  Maybe I should have hoped for Cortland to get a bit more vicious.

I was happy to see Peyton get back to playing like Peyton.  319 passing yards, 2 touchdowns, no interceptions.  Good on you, Mr. Manning.

As much as I was pulling for a win from the Titans, I'm okay with a loss to the Colts.  I need the Colts to get their shit together and take down Jacksonville.  I'm not okay with them being the division leaders.

Now, let's just send positive thoughts to the Jets for their matchup against the Dolphins this weekend.  Don't let me down, Mark and Nick!

Blanche Sanche

Titans v. Colts

Thursday night football.  Tennessee Titans versus Indianapolis Colts.  Obviously, I always root for my beloved Titans when this conference matchup comes around, but usually I'm disappointed when the Colts hand the Titans their asses.

This game is going to be different.

Both the Titans and the Colts have had terrible seasons.  With all the drama surrounding Vince Young and Cortland Finnegan, plus the injury to Kerry Collins that put third string quarterback Rusty Smith into last week's game and the terrible news about Coach Heimerdinger's battle with Cancer, the Titans have been underperforming for weeks.  The defense started out so strong this season and gave me hope that we were going to be in the running for the playoffs, then it seemed as if there was a new catastrophe keeping the team from true greatness every time I turned around.

However, the Colts have had their share of shitty luck this season too.  They aren't playing with most of their starters on offense, thanks to injuries sustained by Austin Collie, Reggie Wayne, Joseph Addai, Clint Session and the latest Bob Sanders.  Couple that with the 15 interceptions Peyton Manning has thrown this season (8 of which happened in the last 2 games), the team is not looking like the same team that made it to the Superbowl last year.

I think the Titans have a real shot at this game.  Kerry Collins will be starting at quarterback and I think they are hungry for a win after 5 crushing losses in a row.  I also think that after Eddie George's public condemnation after being the honorary 12th Titan during last Sunday's slaughter by the Jaguars, they have been called on their weak playing and are ready to show people that the Titans are fighters.

It's going to be a rough game because, despite their record, the Colts are still a strong team, but I don't think that the Titans are going to take this one lying down.  Let's just hope Cortland can keep his attitude in check tonight.  Who am I kidding?  Let's just hope Cortland can keep his fines to a minimum tonight.

Blanche Sanche

People that make me rage

There are a lot of people in the NFL that I love. Many seemingly random men, both players and coaches alike, that I adore for various reasons. However, there is also an alarmingly large group of men that I hate/loathe/despise, whichever word you want to use for it. I'm sure my bubbling hatred of them will become increasingly apparent as this blog goes on, so let me just get a few people out of the way.

First and foremost, I have a deep seeded hatred for Kurt Warner. Just typing his name makes me want to punch babies. As I mentioned before, the first football game I cared about was the Superbowl between the Titans and the Rams, so it's obvious where this hatred stems from. Not only did the Rams prevail in said contest, but all you heard about the whole fucking game was how he used to work in a grocery store and how much he loves his old, ugly wife. Gag me. I don't give a shit that you are a loser. Shut the fuck up and play football. Many could argue that Kurt Warner is a great quarterback, but I would tell those people to shut up and get out of my face. I hate his snide Twitter comments, I hate his stupid face, I HATE his old haggard wife, and I hate that people think he's some sort of demigod for being able to go from store clerk to quarterback. Eat a bag of dicks, Kurt. I blame you solely (and, yes, I'm aware my rationale makes no sense to anyone but me) for Steve McNair's death. Stevie was my second favorite male celebrity; Michael Jackson was my first. They died within 8 days of one another and made me realize that God doesn't exist. So, thank you Kurt Warner for killing Steve McNair and ruining my life.

Second, I hate Brett "Dick Pics" Favre. I just don't have respect for the dude. Yeah, he was a great quarterback (I contend he was overrated), but when he started the whole "I'm retiring/I'm not retiring" song and dance, he completely lost me. Man up, broseph, and admit that you can't hang anymore. You choke in every clutch situation and now you are just an embarrassment. And, for the record, I saw your dick pics and they were equally embarrassing. Did you really think some girl was gonna be on your jock when you made the conscious decision to keep your Crocs on while taking pics of your wiener? Rule number 1, if you are gonna go pantless, you should also be Crocs-less. Seriously. Crocs are a deal breaker. Almost as much as your lack of game and your small penis.

Tony Romo and Tom Brady are at about the same level of hatred for me, so I'm going to lump them together. I'm sick of their "pretty boy" faces and it doesn't help that I loathe the Cowboys and Patriots. They suck. I wish someone would rip Tom Brady's arm off so I wouldn't have to hear about him anymore.

While we are on the Patriots, Bill Belichick is the worst. He's a cheater, he's a dick, he seems like a total douche nozzle. There are no redeeming qualities about that man.

Terrell Owens can suck it. Randy Moss can suck it. Darren Sproles can suck it. Albert Hayesworth can suck it.

It's getting late and I can't go to bed with all this rage. I'm going to lay down and watch old episodes of "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia".
Blanche Sanche

A Facebook conversation between 2 girls who love football

I have a group of friends, all female, that I watch, and talk about, football with. During last night's Jets slaughter by the Patriots, we talked about how I wanted to customize a jersey that said "Mrs. Sanchez" but when I put it into NFL.com, it would only allow enough characters to say "Mrs. Sanche". As we all call each other Blanche (long story that's not important), the girls decided that my new nickname is "Blanche Sanche". The following is the Facebook post from today between me and Blanche Manning (as will be her nickname because she loves the Colts and Peyton Manning).

Blanche Manning: "In honor of us coming up with the greatest nickname of all time last night I am going to make you a next level Christmas present. I'm going to write Blanche Sanche in gold puffy paint (who am I kidding, my wife will be doing it cause arts and crafts are part of her wifely duties) on a Jets tee since NFL.com is a bunch of cock knuckles and won't let you make one the way you want. You're going to look incredible."

Blanche Sanche: "My present to you will be letting your Colts beat my Titans on Thursday night. I mean, that's really not going to be hard, seeing as the Titans are playing like the last place team in a pee wee football league from BFE, but still. It's the least I can do."

Blanche Manning: "You would do that for me? That's such a thweety. You know I need a win sooo bad right now, this just hasn't been my season. :("

Blanche Sanche: "I would rather lose to the Colts than let the fucking Jaguars win the division. At this point, the Titans are hopeless (as usually we started strong then turned into bitch coins and fucked ourselves) so I'm pinning my hopes on the Colts. And maybe, just maybe, someone will tear Tom Brady's arm off in the next game so the Jets can take that division, but we all know that it's going to be the Ravens and the Falcons in the Superbowl and I'm just going to kill myself."

Blanche Collie (Our friend who is an Austin Collie enthusiast): "Please don't kill yourself, Blanche Sanche. We need you."

Blanche Sanche: "Okay, I won't. Perhaps I'm being a titch overdramatic, but seriously. If there is no 2011 season and the last game seared into my memory is some shit storm between two teams that no one cares about, I'm gonna have a mental breakdown."

Blanche Manning: "I forgot about the whole "no season in 2011" nonsense. If that happens I will burn every stadium in the United States to THE GROUND!! How's that for overdramatic?"

Blanche Sanche: "I don't think that's overdramatic at all. I think it is the proper response to overpaid athletes refusing to participate in football because they want more money. Fuck them. I already pay ridiculous prices for tickets (when I can go to a... game), ridiculous prices for jerseys and other memorabilia, and I devote the majority of my week to watching football and participating in fantasy football, but you fuckwads need an extra couple mil in your salaries. I will join you in a quest to burn down all of the stadiums. I'm sure we will have plenty of help from the other disgruntled fans and stadium workers who have to resort to prostitution to put food on their families tables because Tom Brady wouldn't budge on his extra $100,000 for hair care supplies."

Blanche Manning: "That's right you MFer's!! You'll think you needed more money when you're watching your football stadium burn to the ground!!! Now you can't play football even if you wanted too. What's that? You'll go to another stadium to play? No you effing won't you assface whore slut because me and my bitchdogs burnt all them shits down! Teach you to act like you're going to take football away from us..."

And that, my dears, should instill enough fear into those players to not threaten to take away my 2011 season. You should know not to piss off female football fans.

Blanche Sanche

My favorite teams and how they came to be such

Being a girl from Reno, Nevada, my options are very limited when it comes to choosing a team to which I can pledge allegiance. Most people in Northern Nevada pick the teams in closest proximity, the San Francisco 49ers or the Oakland Raiders. I would rather put a bullet in the brain of my beloved Betta fish, Marco, than support either of those teams because I am not like the rest of the Northern Nevada sheep. I am an individual. Plus, I could never justify wearing red and gold together, as that's the most hideous color combination I can think of, nor can I support a team whose fans are as terrifying as Raiders fans. Therefore, I had to branch out and find a team to call my own. I will now provide you with a list of my favorite teams (both NFL and college) and the reasoning behind my choices:

Tennessee Titans- The first Superbowl I watched willingly was between the Titans and the Rams in 2000. I was 17 and knew NOTHING about football. Truthfully, I only watched the game for one reason: Justin Timberlake. MTV had a pregame show featuring NSYNC and my dearest JT, being born in Tennessee, was wearing a Titans jersey, which meant that ipso facto, I was a Titans fan. That day I fell in love with three other men: Steve McNair, Eddie George and Jeff Fisher. My life has never been the same. JT led me to the Titans, but those guys made me a real Titans fan.

New York Jets- I could lie and make up some excuse as to why I'm a Jets fan, but lets be real. The only reason the Jets hit my radar is the beautiful face of Mark Sanchez. As a matter of fact, I hated the Jets when they picked up Brett "Dick Pics" Favre because of my deep, personal loathing for the overrated quarterback, but I had a change of heart when I first laid my eyes on Sanchez. I've learned to love all things Jets. Most notably, I've started a Twitter love affair with Nick Mangold, the best center in the National Football League. After months of tweeting him, he finally gave in and started following me. Next stop, BBM contacts.

Aside from those two teams, I will occasionally root for the Colts (because Peyton Manning gets me every time with his hilarious commercials), the Steelers (because I am powerless to resist Mike Tomlin), or the Lions (because I really want to see them win).

As for college teams, my picks are just as random and baseless, as I just started watching college football this year.

Nevada- As an alum, I have to root for them. This year, they made an impressive leap to #13 of the Top 25. And I've already purchased my tickets to see them in the Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl on January 9th. GO PACK!

USC- I'm pretty sure you can guess why. Not only does Mark Sanchez hail from the University of Spoiled Children, but so do Jeff Fisher and LenDale White. I will cheer for anything that is related to Jeff Fisher in any way, so I have to root for the Trojans.

Auburn- I only like Auburn because it seems like every time I turn my television on, Auburn is playing a game. I swear, one Saturday, I left the house while an Auburn game was on and came home more than 6 hours later and Auburn was STILL on my TV. I gotta root for a team with that kind of stamina, even if it was just a repeat of the earlier game.

I will also root for THE Ohio State (thanks Nick Mangold) and the Oregon Ducks. Oh, and I also like Ball State because saying "Ball State" makes me giggle.

And that, my friends, is how I've picked my teams.
Blanche Sanche

A little background....

I am a girl who loves football. I mean, I really love football to the point of obsession and it's not just because there are lots of cute men who play football (I'm looking at you, Mark Sanchez and Jason Taylor). No, I love football because it's the best kind of sport: it combines violence and skill and excitement and it gives me an excuse to act like an overgrown child when something good, or bad, happens to whichever team I'm rooting for. It's perfectly paced, too. I can't handle baseball because it's boring and way too slow. I can't handle basketball because you don't have a chance to celebrate a good shot because something else is already happening. Plus all the squeaky shoes make me want to kill myself.

In the fall, my weeks play out like this:
Monday- Monday Night Football (most likely at a bar where I can cheer with or against the other patrons who think I'm awesome 'cause I'm a girl who likes football)
Tuesday- Check the stats of my fantasy football team and lament the shitty performances of my supposedly great players. (Thanks for nothing, Chris Johnson!)
Wednesday- Waste my work day reading NFL.com, ESPN.com and a bunch of blogs so that I can have vastly intelligent sports conversations with unsuspecting victims.
Thursday- Thursday Night Football, when it's on. Otherwise, I repeat Wednesday's activities and rearrange my Fantasy Football lineup.
Friday- High school football. Yes, I go to high school football games. Not because I'm a creepy weirdo, but because one of my good friends is a high school football coach and I like to show my support. And, let's face it, I am a creepy weirdo.
Saturday- College football. It wasn't until this year that I gave into college football, but now that I have, I enjoy it. I still prefer NFL, but college is a nice, leisurely substitute.
Sunday- I shut down. I refuse to participate in any activity that does not involve me, sitting in front of a television in NFL attire, screaming obscenities at the screen like they can hear me and will respond to my commands. I wake up early to make the last minute changes to my Fantasy Football roster and to add some "smack talk" aimed toward my opponent about how big of an ass kicking they are going to get. I watch football (and football highlights, analysis, and commentary) from 9 in the morning 'til 9 at night. It's my favorite day of the week (especially since Dexter is on Sunday nights, so when I have a particularly bad football day, I can escape into a fictionalized world where I rid myself of bad guys AKA the Patriots, the Cowboys and the Raiders. Oh, and Kurt Warner. He may be retired, but I hate the shit out of that guy.)

Spring and summer are sad times for me with a few exceptions: the NFL draft, the release of the fall schedule for me to plan vacations around, and the NFL players I diligently follow on Twitter become far more chatty and willing to BS with peons like myself. I can't even fully enjoy the summer anymore because I'm too busy anticipating training camp. It's unhealthy, I'm sure, but I'd rather obsess over teams and stats than becoming a crackhead. And, yes, in my head, those are the only two options.

Until next time,
Blanche Sanche