This is Dumb

I'll just be sitting over here with a broken heart while everyone else goes about their daily business.

Sanche, isn't she like 20 years older than you? Why do you only date teenagers or old broads? Please don't let her be your dream killer. I'd like you to have a good season this year.

xoxo (not really),
Blanche Sanche

If I Could Get to St. Louis...

I needn't remind anyone of my love for Coach Fisher, so it shouldn't come as a surprise that, if I could fly to St. Louis for the season opener, I would.  I've never needed anything more than a Jeff Fisher stachio in my collection of football memorabilia.  I'd look so bitchin' in it.

xoxo,
Blanche Sanche

Back to the Grind

Here it is. The start of the 2012 NFL regular season.  Doesn't it feel like it's been a million years since the last season?  Maybe it's just me.

Anyway, with the new season comes roster changes, coaching and staff changes, hypothesizing about team performance, and, most importantly, fantasy football!

This is my third year playing fantasy football and the first two did not go so well.  That means that I'm out for blood this time around.  I'd like to blame specific players for my inadequacies, but it's all my fault.  The first year, I drafted a team completely based on good looking players.  As you would imagine, that strategy was not my idea.  And last year, I took players that I knew and picked a lot from the Titans and the Jets 'cause I like them the most.

This year was different.  I decided to follow my head, not my heart.  I vowed to make shrewd choices, despite how I internally felt about the players.  And where did that lead me?  It lead me to choosing Tom Brady as my 1st overall pick.

Tom effing Brady.

I hate that dude.  And I still feel gross inside that I made him my first choice.  But I'm here to win games, friends, and TB is going to do it for me. Barf.

Here's the rest of my roster, as it sits right now.

QB- Tom Brady (Pats)
RB- Shonne Green (Jets)
RB- Trent Richardson (Browns)
WR- Andre Johnson (Texans)
WR- Marques Colston (Saints)
TE- Vernon Davis (49ers)
Flex- Beanie Wells (Cards)
Kicker- Stephen Gostkowski (Pats)
Defense- Jets
Bench- Mark Sanchez (Jets)
Bench- James Stark (Packers)
Bench- Pierre Thomas (Saints)
Bench- Austin Collie (Colts)
Bench- Rob Bironas (Titans)

As you can see, my heart still had a say once it got to my bench.  There will never be a time I don't choose Mark Sanchez to be on my roster because I still believe he's going to be a great quarterback.  Also, Austin Collie's pretty face generally makes my roster, despite him being a magnet for concussions.

I feel pretty great about my team and I think that I'm gonna dominate my league.  Watch out, bitches. Blanche Sanche is all over your asses.

xoxo,
Blanche Sanche

The best part of the Super Bowl

And it technically wasn't a part of the Super Bowl..

I'm a HUGE Jimmy Fallon fan and all last week, his show was broadcast from Indianapolis for the Super Bowl.  On Sunday night, right after the game, he did a live broadcast and the opening was EPIC.  He turned Adele's "Rolling In The Deep" into another one of his brilliant parodies and it featured cameos by The Roots, Butler's mascot, the Mayor of Indianapolis, Colts cheerleaders and Butler students.  It.was.so.good.

Clink the link and enjoy.  It's totally worth it!

Jimmy Fallon's Super Bowl Show Opening

xoxo,
Blanche Sanche

Rob Gronkowski

So, yeah.  He had an amazing season, breaking records for tight ends and whatnot.  But tell me you don't look at this guy and see the stereotypical jock in Varsity Blues!  Like, all he wants to do is hump the head cheerleader and drink beer until he passes out in his own vomit.  He probably enjoys mooning on coming traffic and resting his balls on the chin of whoever passes out first.  You know he gave nerds wedgies and taped them naked to the goal post in high school.

He's the guy that plays the game full force, parties full force, but couldn't read To Kill A Mockingbird on his own.

xoxo,
Blanche Sanche

How could I forget?

The best part of my postseason: Jeff Fisher was hired as head coach of the Rams!  I'm not really that excited that he's going to be coaching the Rams, but I'm really excited 1. That he's coaching again and 2. He didn't go to the Dolphins.  I just adore Coach Fisher and I'm so glad he'll be with a team that realizes how lucky they are to have him.  I also dig that he'll be working with Sam Bradford because I think he'll do great things next season.

Can't wait to see you back on the field, Coach!

xoxo,

Blanche Sanche

Hottest men in the NFL

As much as I love football, I also love celebrity gossip.  I should fill my brain with more useful knowledge than who Zac Effron is currently dating, but I can't help reading Perez Hilton first thing every morning.


As I was perusing Perez today, I saw he'd made a list of the "Hottest Men in the NFL".  Since there are rarely any references to football (and it was about hot dudes), I quickly clicked to see the full list and here it is:


Eli Manning
Joey Harrington
Osi Umenyiora
Tiki Barber
Peyton Manning
Kyle Boller
Donovan McNabb
Jay Cutler
Aaron Rodgers
Kellen Winslow
Matt Leinhart
Tony Gonzales
Chad Ochocinco


Now, I'm sincerely hoping that these are in no particular order because there is NO WAY Sanche and Jason Taylor should be at the bottom of the list, while Eli Manning takes the number one spot.


I have several issues with this list.  First and foremost, Jay Cutler is absolutely unattractive and should never be included on a list of hot people.  He's the worst.  I can even understand how some people could find Tom Brady (barfffffff) attractive, but not Jay Cutler.


Clearly, Perez knows nothing about football.  Hello!  Tiki doesn't even play football anymore.  Why wouldn't you put Ronde on the list if you are so inclined to include a Barber?  And Adam Vinatieri?!?!  Who includes a kicker?


Now I understand no list will be fully comprehensive, but there are some very glaring omissions.  Austin Collie!    He is one beautiful man, one of the most beautiful to ever play the game.  Other notable mentions: Josh Freeman, Bernard Berrian, Arian Foster, Scotty McKnight, Tyler Sash, Danny Watkins, Cortland Finnegan, Jason Babin, Clay Matthews, Rob Gronkowski (I don't think he's hot, but others might), and Dustin Keller.  Tebow didn't even make the list and he's the son of God!


I'm gonna have to sit down and make my own list of NFL hotties.  Keep a look out.


xoxo,
Blanche Sanche

My favorite halftime shows

I'll be honest with you, I've only been watching the Super Bowl since 2000.  Before that, I couldn't have cared less about football really. Since that time, however, I've been pretty consistently underwhelmed by the "talent" they've gotten for the halftime show.  I don't know what I expect for my halftime entertainment, but I guess I'm looking for more content that flashy costumes and sets.  I want talent.  I want something to make me say, "Wow.  That was awesome."

I have only really enjoyed two out of the thirteen shows I've seen.

First, was the 2001 show.  I mainly enjoyed it because I love anything and everything NSYNC ever did.  I'm an unabashed NSYNC fan for life.  But I thought putting NSYNC, Aerosmith, Britney Spears, Nelly and Mary J. Blige on one stage was amazing.  I loved that they all did the Walk This Way dance together at the end.  It was awesome.  As far as pop music goes, it was top notch.

But my favorite Super Bowl halftime show ever goes to the one, and only, Prince during the 2007 game.  Prince came out and rocked it.  He didn't lipsync; he didn't go crazy with sets and projection screens and costumes; he just went out there with his guitar and sang.  He is a true bad ass.  And he didn't just sing the typical Prince songs.  He performed the Foo Fighters "Best of You" better than the Foo Fighters ever could.  I mean, seriously, his guitar solo... perfection!

The very best moment, when he throws off his bandana, and launches into Purple Rain.  Swoon.  I still get chills when I watch it.  It was pouring rain and you never would have known it because Prince never let it effect him.  I can't gush enough about it.

Here's the second half of the performance.  YouTube doesn't have full clips, they are all broken into parts, so I'll leave you with the better half.

xoxo,

Blanche Sanche

Super Bowl XLVI

For all the hype, the talk about the rivalry between the Giants and the Patriots, all the fanfare, I was wicked disappointed in the game.  The first 55 minutes were a snoozefest.  I would have rather watched the Puppy Bowl than that game.  And the last 5 minutes were only comparatively exciting, since the rest of the game sucked.

I am completely convinced that there will be some report that shows up in the next week or two, telling us that Tom Brady played the postseason with an injury.  That's the only excuse for his terrible performances in the final 2 games of the year.  Now, I'm clearly not a fan of Brady, but that was not the way he normally plays.

Then there was that abomination of a halftime show.  Dear Madonna, you are 54.  Act like it.  I didn't understand the whole Romanesque motif.  I didn't understand LMFAO, or any of the cameos, for that matter.  I still don't understand why YOU were chosen as the halftime entertainment.  But I am pretty sure there were more gays watching the game last night than ever.

The commercials sucked.  I hardly cracked a smile for any of them.  I totes don't want to buy any of the products advertised.

The best part of the whole game was Kelly Clarkson singing the National Anthem.  Girl looked amazing and sounded perfect.  She was a great choice.  If only she could have been the halftime entertainment as well.

Now, football season is over and I'm left unfulfilled.  I guess we go into a football drought until the draft.

xoxo,
Blanche Sanche

Andy Reid

Am I the only one completely shocked that Andy Reid gets to keep his job in Philadelphia for another year?  After building up the self-proclaimed "dream team", the Eagles went 8-8 this season, a nightmare in Philly by my standards.

With all that talent, they were written into the Superbowl before the season even began, yet it seemed like they couldn't make anything work on the field.  LeSean McCoy, Desean Jackson, Michael Vick, Nnamdi Asomugha,  Jason Babin, Casey Matthews, Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie.... seriously, that roster is basically a who's who of the football world.  How do you lose with that talent?!!!?

Hopefully, the Eagles' decision to keep Reid as their head coach doesn't come back to bite them in the ass, but I think it will.  Actually, it's kind of fun watching them lose.

You look dumb

I hate your new haircut, Mark Sanchez.

xoxo,

Blanche Sanche

Jay Cutler

He is my least favorite.

I'm not sad that he broke his thumb.  It was probably all the sucking of his thumb in bed at night that weakened it.  I'm implying he's a big baby, in case you didn't catch that.

Go marry Kristin Cavallari (whom I can't believe took him back after he dumped her) and never come back.  Either of you.  Ever.

xoxo,

Blanche Sanche

Poor K. Ort!

Kyle Orton was waved by the Broncos today, after losing his starting job to everyone's least favorite disciple, Tim Tebow.  K. Ort was 1-4 while starting in Denver this season and now the Broncos seem to be winning in spite of Tebow, but I sincerely hope K. Ort ends up going to a team that can use his talents.

I was gunning for him to be signed to the Titans at the beginning of the season, before Matt Hasslebeck came along and I still hope good fortune finds him, even though we are over halfway through the season.

There are a number of teams that could benefit from the veteran quarterback.  First and foremost, the Texans.  With the loss of Schauby, the Texans are stuck with Matt Lienart who truly has the ability to drop them out of their division lead.  I think the Texans would be lucky to get K. Ort right now (though my Titans would be luckier if they didn't get him so that they could rocket to first place in the division)

Indianapolis could use him too, but if they are genuinely in the "Suck for Luck" pool, then there's no way they will even give him a second look.

It's rumored that he could go back to the Bears now that assface Jay Cutler is injured, but I really hope that's not true.  I think the Bears should give Caleb Hanie a shot.  He came in as the third string QB for them during the playoff game last year and played pretty damn well for third string.  I really think he should have the opportunity to helm the offense up there in Chicago.

Perhaps the Dolphins are ready to trade Matt Moore in for a new QB or the Redskins could be looking to replace Sexy  Rexy Grossman.  I couldn't even come up with the names of the starting QBs for Arizona or Seattle (John Skelton and Tevaris Jackson, respectively.  Thanks, Wikipedia!) so I'm sure they are in the hunt for new play makers.

Anywho, it will be interesting to see how it unfolds!

xoxo,
Blanche Sanche

Hey, Jake Locker...

I think I don't hate you.  And I mean that in the nicest way possible.

Perhaps over half a season with Matt Hasslebeck has been enough for the Titans and now it's time to show Locker some love.  I'm not mad at it.  I think that his two touchdown passes to Nate Washington showed that the Titans need to play our rookie QB if we have any chance of winning our division.  Now that Schaub is out for the Texans, the Titans have a decent shot at the division and I think Locker, if he can keep up this momentum, could be the final piece in the puzzle.

Granted, this could just be a fluke, but I'd really like to see him get some field time for the rest of the season.

xoxo,
Blanche Sanche

Eye Candy -- November 17, 2011

In honor of tonight's game against Denver, Mark Sanchez, quarterback of the New York Jets.  I was in attendance at last year's game in Denver, so I'm pretty much just crying at my desk since I can't be there this year.  All I want in life is to watch the Jets cream Tebow and his stupid face.  Guess I'll have to settle for watching this year's game on TV.  Saddest of sad mittens.

xoxo,
Blanche Sanche

Eye Candy -- November 16, 2011

Arian Foster, running back for the Houston Texans.  Not only is this dude a beast on the field, but I sincerely believe that he's a genuinely nice human being.  I just started following him on Twitter ( @ArianFoster) and he tweets some of the sweetest things I've ever heard from a football player.  He often starts the hashtag #RAOC (random act of kindess) and sends love to his fans and haters alike.  He makes you believe that he is just a good dude who happens to be really great at football.  He's a rarity now-a-days.

xoxo,
Blanche Sanche

Overwhelmed

I'm a terrible blogger.  I've contemplated writing many different entries, but they've never come to fruition.  Possibly because my fantasy football season is absolutely devastating and embarrassing to write about or, perhaps, because I know no one reads this anyway.  Whatever the reason, I'm gonna try again.

First and foremost, I have to get this off my chest: Why are people so mean to Mark Sanchez?  Seriously, I need to know.  All week, I've been reading about how much of a failure he is and how he needs to step up his game.  Now, I know he isn't the greatest QB to ever play the game, but Jesus, cut him some slack.  I watched the New England game on Sunday and what I saw wasn't as much of a Sanchez fail as it was a team fail.  The interception that bounced of the hands and helmet of Shonn Greene, not Sanche's fault.  The inability of the defense to get within 3 feet of Tom Brady, again, not the fault of Sanchez.  Overall, he had a pretty great game with 2 touchdowns and over 300 passing yards.  So, why does the blame fall consistently on his shoulders?

In addition, why is everyone talking about Alex Smith like he's all of the sudden some demigod in San Francisco?  Statistically, he's having a better season than Sanche, but he's made fewer throws, fewer touchdowns and he's been on the team for SIX years with NO production until now!  I've watched Niner games and I'm constantly baffled by how terrible Smith is.  The Niners rely solely on their phenomenal defense and running game to win, not on their QB.  It seems that all of his seasons of suckitude have now been erased because of this 8-1 year.

It seems to be forgotten that with Sanchez at the helm, the Jets went to the NFC championship two years in a row.  I'm not saying that it was because of him, lord knows it wasn't, but he was obviously playing well enough to get his team through to big games and he came through in clutch situations.  Alex Smith hasn't done dick for his team since they wasted their first round draft pick on him and still, they throw money at him and pay him for his poor performance.

Is it because he's so pretty?  Is it because he's the kind of guy who makes an easy target?  There are far worse QBs in the league than Sanche, yet he's the first one to be criticized by everyone in the media.  Go bother Tony Romo, Chad Henne, Rex Grossman, Donovan McNabb, or... do the Seahawks even have a quarterback???

All I'm saying is this, people need to have more confidence in Mark Sanchez.  When you get him in a hurry up offense, no huddle with the clock winding down, he's on fire.  When you give him the opportunity to throw those 10-12 yard throws, he's money.  It's when they start trying to go back to the "ground and pound" offense and when he gets too much time to get lost in his own head that things go awry.  He's solid in production, pretty mobile in the pocket and he just needs people to throw a tiny bit of confidence his way.

And I'm not just saying this because I want to have all of his babies.

xoxo,
Blanche Sanche

Fantasy football Week 4

Seriously, last week was too embarrassing to even talk about and I think you know why.  Mark Sanchez had the world's most terrible game and, of course, I started him instead of Josh Freeman.  What was I thinking?!?!  Pretty much everything about last week sucked, so I'm not even going to justify it with a usual post.  Just know that it was messy, ugly and awful.

On to next week.

xoxo,
Blanche Sanche

Random thoughts

It's been one of those weeks.  The kind where I wrote half-assed posts about my weekend then let the blog fall by the wayside.  I've had several different thoughts creeping into my head, but none of them garnered an entire post, so I'm going to put them all here.

First, and why I didn't address this earlier is beyond me, the Raiders broke Mark Sanchez' nose!  I definitely saw the trainers all up in his face while I was at the game, but I had no idea what was happening.  I actually didn't find out about it until I was driving back to Reno later that night (that's what happens when you are at Oakland Coliseum and have no service).  He's a tough one.  Lesser quarterbacks *cough* Jay Cutler *cough* probably would have benched themselves, but Sanche kept going until the end.  Good job, bro!

Next: Does anyone else think it's great that Michael Vick is having a crappy season thus far?  I mean, after last season, he was a god, he got that GIANT contract, people had seemingly forgotten about his dog killing.  Now, he's playing like the Michael Vick of old and I couldn't be happier.  He's even trailing Jason Campbell....

After my loss last week, I'm trying to bring my A game to my fantasy football league.  I hit the jackpot with my running backs, MJD and LeSean McCoy, this season.  I never thought I would be so happy to not have Chris Johnson on my roster!  But the loss of Kenny Britt has thrown me for a loop.  I picked up Torrey Smith and Percy Harvin, but since Smith could be a one-time fluke, I'm left deciding between Harvin and Robert Meachem for my third wide receiver slot.  I'm leaning toward Harvin, in case Coleston comes back for New Orleans, but I'm not familiar with either player, so we'll see how this plays out.  Also, I have Jason Witten and Dustin Keller fighting it out for my tight end spot.  I think Witten wins this week.  And for QBs, I've got Sanche (who I've got starting, even though they are playing the Ravens), but it's hard not to put Josh Freeman against the shaken Colts.  Ugh.  This is when I start to become a stressball about fantasy football!

Finally, and this is just a personal note, it's my first full weekend in my new place!  I'm completely moved, I'm not traveling, and, though I have to unpack everything, I get to fully enjoy all my football channels!  Looks like I won't be leaving my house.  Well, that's a lie.  In addition to being a football addict, I'm also training for my second half marathon and by "training", I really mean I should be training.  I have the Nike Women's half marathon in 3 weeks, but I haven't run since my Disneyland half marathon at the beginning of September.  Let's hope I can tear myself away from football for long enough to go on a big run this weekend.  I sure need it!  Wish me luck!

xoxo,
Blanche Sanche

Fantasy football Week 3

This week should be entitled, "Oh how the mighty have fallen."

Welp, there goes my winning streak.  I knew it was too good to be true.  While I was trying not to get killed in Oakland, my fantasy football team was getting their asses handed to them.  Most notably, Kenny Britt tore his ACL in the game against Denver, leaving me with a -.20 in that WR position.  And Nate Burleson's 1.2 points didn't help me much either, nor did my Jets defense and their inability to stop the Raiders running game.

On a very positive, and surprising, note, Mark Sanchez had a helluva game in Oakland.  I've had Sanche on my roster for 2 years and I can't remember him having a better game.  Say what you want about Mark Sanchez, but I really think he is on his way to becoming an amazing quarterback.  I put all my faith in him, even though my co-worker suggested I start Josh Freeman last week.

Let's talk about this shit show and how many injuries I have on this damn team.  Mario Manningham, out.  Aaron Hernandez, out.  Kenny Britt, out.  Braylon Edwards, out.  I honestly don't think there is a thing I can do to salvage this team at this point.

I can only hope that I can pick up some wide receivers and tight ends on waivers, otherwise it looks like my amazing season could be going nowhere fast.

xoxo,

Blanche Sanche