The game wasn't all that exciting. The commercials were pretty uninspired. And don't even get me started on the halftime show and the desecration of all that is holy in the world. Why, Slash? Why would you let that angry man-woman butcher the song that makes my world a happy place??? And why was she singing as if she was a few 10 cent drafts deep at Cue and Cushion karaoke on Monday nights? It was vile. It was crude. It was enough to make me wish for the Sheryl Crow remake (which, at the time of its release, I thought was the worst thing that could ever happen.)
Here is a list of what I consider to be highlights of the big game:
1. There was a dude named Zombo. Every time they said his name, I felt like I should have been watching a midnight public access show that played campy horror films.
2. The Doritos commercial where the guy brought things back to life by sprinkling Doritos on them. So funny.
3. The fact that Ashton Kutcher was sitting behind GW and Laura Bush, who were sitting next to John Madden. It was a trifecta of epic randomness.
4. Mike Tomlin. Any excuse to watch his pretty face is a highlight of my life.
Here is a list of what I hated about the game:
1. A red carpet? Are you fucking kidding me? There is nothing sacred left. The fact that celebrity has overthrown the game itself must be a sign of the apocolypse.
2. In that same vein, when the players were exiting the field for halftime, the announcer literally said that they were "going to their dressing rooms." Pretty sure they were going to the locker room, not to primp themselves for their prime time appearance at an awards show.
3. Fergie. Fuck you, Fergie. Fuck you so hard. I can't believe I was forced to watch her angrily, and pitchlessly, watch her perform for 10 minutes. I've seen her live and I know she sucks, but this was an all-time low.
4. That the Steelers lost. Only because Big Ben is going to go on a raping spree of epic proportions and I don't know that the 20-something females of this country are adequately prepared for it.
Most of all, I really enjoyed watching the Packers win because I kept imagining Brett Favre, sitting on his couch in his Crocs, crying to himself. Now Aaron Rogers has just as many Super Bowl rings and a lot longer to amass more. Via con diablos, Brett!
xoxo,
Blanche Sanche
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